When Good Words Keep Us Sick, Fat & Stuck

by Julie on January 9, 2014

When good words go bad.When I was in fourth grade, we had a Word Cemetery in our classroom.  It was an entire wall decorated with elaborate, construction paper tombstones designed by yours truly along with the other creative kiddos in my class.  Each week, a new word would be “buried” and that meant that we were no longer allowed to use that word in any of our creative writing assignments.  The death of the word “said” gave birth to exclaimed, sang, cheered and bellowed.  Once “happy” was put up on the wall, we found words like cheerful, exuberant, and joyful.  

The word funerals were a highlight of my week in fourth grade.  I loved the possibility of discovering new ways to say the same old thing and make it come alive again.  Maybe it was that simple exercise when I was a 10-year old in flower-printed courderoys, that planted the writing seed within me.

As an adult, a mother, a wife and a coach, there are some words floating around (in excess) that are making me a little crazy.  It’s not that these are necessarily bad words.  It’s just that for me, these words have lost their power due to overuse.  Simple words can actually be disabling to people – - making them believe that they are taking action when in fact, they are sitting, stuck in the muck.  At the risk of offending some brilliant leaders and healers out there, I hereby nominate the following 4 words for induction into the word wall cemetery.  

FREEDOM

“Let me teach you how to be free.”  I’m not even exactly sure what that means.  The word FREEDOM is being thrown around in the self-help and personal-growth industry by some pretty powerful people.  People are promising freedom from your body, from stress, from addiction, from chaos and even from yourself.  The big problem I have with this word being used in marketing is that simply by offering FREEDOM, it implies that we (the audience) are essentially not free.  Of course, this is not true.  Unless you have chains holding you down or bars holding you in, freedom CAN BE a choice.   

LOVE

Ok.  This one’s a doozy. We put the love band-aide on everything.  I wholeheartedly agree that coming from a place of love rather than shame, hate or judgement is a REALLY GOOD THING.  As a body transformation coach, I want women to fall in love with themselves so that they naturally and easily make healthy choices.  But . . . can we all agree that the word is over used?  I catch myself all of the time saying “I Love you” to Jon and the kids and yes, I do LOVE them but does that word, thrown in to a knee-jerk expression actually give them anything when I say it?  Instead of using the word LOVE, I challenge you to SHOW the word love.   Listen to the people you care about without checking your iPhone.  Get to know what makes other people feel LOVED and do that – often!

INTUITION

There seems to be a proliferation of Intuitive Coaches out there.  People who can sense things about you that you may not even understand about yourself.  Heck – they can even teach you to listen to your own intuition so that you can finally drop the weight, find a life partner, or even heal your cancer.  I’ve had 100s of women come into my practice who are in a lot of pain.  They have stories and beliefs that are so deeply ingrained, their intuition is completely shut off to them.  Yes – often I can “see” where the struggle is coming from as well as the steps to move away from the issue. As a coach, my goal is to empower people to see this for themselves.  Intuition is not a switch to be turned on and off but rather a process of understanding. 

MANIFEST

What you focus on you attract.  Yes – agreed.  But there are lots of people out there who are buying into the belief that you can simply pick up a copy of The Secret and soon you’ll be rocking your bikini and living in the lap of luxury.  When we are constantly being told that manifestation of our desires is possible and then that doesn’t actually happen, we begin to think there is something wrong with us.   Instead, it’s more important to look at the reasons WHY you want what you want.  If you want that lean, fit body . . . why?  Is it so that you can feel better being active with your kids, or so you can feel sexy for you partner?  Is it so that you can live a longer life?  Is it YOU that really wants the change or is it someone else’s desire?  Get clear on the reasons why YOU want change and then focus on that.  

Freedom, Love, Intuition and Manifestation are all GOOD words.  My challenge for you is to notice when you are being charmed by these words.  When you are using the words as a way to avoid taking the action that you really need to take in order to change.  Embrace the possibility of letting go of using words as life-preservers and find the feelings behind those words.  

If you are interested in discovering what you REALLY want this year while committing to taking care of yourself through good, healthy food, movement and community, then I invite you to join me for my winter program DREAM: a 21-Day Detox with Purpose.  

Click HERE to learn more and to grab your spot.

Registration closes on Monday January 13th at midnight.  

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What are you fighting for?

by Julie on January 5, 2014

Ready for a fight

What would you go to the mat for?  I mean really dig in, plant your flag in the ground and put up your dukes to defend or change.  As a mother, I think I can speak for the other women with children out there in saying that I will fight for my kids.  My goal as a mom is to keep my children safe and when the situation calls for it, I will step in between my child and whatever danger threatens them.  This is a non-negotiable. This feels right.

But what about the other battles in your life?  How do you respond when a friend is in trouble or when you’ve been given a scary diagnosis or when you are unhappy in your work or when your body feels heavy and bloated?  Does instinct take over, like the mama bear protecting her cub or do you enter into what I like to call a FALSE FIGHT?

There are situations in our life that require a TRUE FIGHT, like getting away from an attacker or escaping a burning building.  These situations call upon our “fight or flight” response, flooding the body with hormones that allow for quick thinking, strength and speed.  A true fight is grounded in instinct and self-preservation and it is a very good thing.

FALSE FIGHTS happen when we decide for ourselves that something isn’t right.  These fights can be bold & fierce, often followed up with unrealistic actions and expectations.  Or they can be silent and depleting, usually backed up by an inner dialog that says things like “you’re not worthy”, “it’s too hard”, or “I’ll never succeed.”  And yet we continue to invite these false fights into our daily experience of life.  It’s no wonder there is an epidemic of dissatisfaction and unworthiness in our country.

Take the example of losing weight.  How many times have you or someone you know declared that “the diet starts tomorrow!”  This is essentially the same thing as saying the FIGHT will start tomorrow and in fact, I’d argue that it most likely started long before the declaration.  It started when you couldn’t button your favorite jeans or when your wedding ring was suddenly too tight.  It started when you went to that party and saw a friend looking fabulous and that voice in your head had some choice things to say about YOU.

It started when you saw that add for Weight Watchers on the TV while you were watching The Biggest Loser and you wondered “what if.”  Or maybe, just maybe, your fight started a very long time ago when you watched your own mom scoff at herself in the mirror.

The challenge of losing weight and keeping it off is more than a fight for so many people.   It’s a BATTLE!

What’s one of the most important things you can have with you when you enter into a battle?  Armor!

Protection against that which is trying to GET you. When I see women walking around unhappily carrying excess body fat, the big question that comes to me is “What is she fighting?”  That layer of fat is her armor and it’s not going to go anywhere until she waves the white flag.  Until she stops the false fight and makes peace with herself and her world.

The one big difference between TRUE and FALSE fights is that one is totally optional.  False fights are self-imposed and just as you can enter into that battle, you can also choose to walk away. The challenge is that often our false fights are so ingrained in our habits and behaviors that walking away can feel really hard.  What if I told you that it could be as easy as turning around and walking the other direction?

What are you fighting for in your life?  If you have a chronic battle, whether it be around your body, finances, relationships, or your work, how would your life change if you could have a truce?

We are going to be exploring goals, desires and nourishment while taking off the gloves and walking away from false fights in DREAM: a 21-Day Detox with Purpose for Winter.  The program begins on January 14th and registration is open now.

Click HERE to learn about Detox with Purpose and to register!

In fact, the main reason you keep falling short of your weight loss goals (and this may surprise you) is because you aren’t giving yourself the chance to walk away from the fight. And trust me, those pounds aren’t going to budge until you do.

 

 

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All I Want For Christmas

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What have you got to GAIN?

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Lessons From 3 Women

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  They are everywhere. They come when you least expect them. If you are open to receiving them (in other words, IF YOU ARE PAYING ATTENTION) you have the power to change your life! Do you ever have that feeling that people are in your life for a reason?   That there is a reason […]

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Showing Your Daughter the Way

January 24, 2013

“Can you help my daughter?”  This is a question I’m getting from lots of women lately.  It seems like every week, I get a call or an email from a mom looking for me to help her daughter lose a few pounds, eat a little better and find the fun in exercise.   This is […]

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